"She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple." - Proverbs 31:22 (NIV)
Looking at the clock I sigh. Hubby will be home from work in half an hour and I still am in my pajama's. I glance in the mirror and can see huge bags under my eyes, and my hair is matted into a messy bun. I do a quick sniff check and think, "Man, I need a shower!" I look at the clock again and try to decide if it is more important to get cleaned up, or start dinner. Knowing that my husband will come in the door hungry I decide I better go take care of that first.
Thirty minutes later he strolls in the door. I am standing in the kitchen stirring the sauce in the pot. He takes one look at me and shakes his head. I can tell he disapproves of my appearance, and I can't blame him! I am a mess! I wouldn't want to come home to me either.
Later he says something to me about not having changed all day, getting defensive I start to try to defend myself. I know that I really don't have a good excuse. The truth is that I just didn't do it. I could have taken 3 minutes to get dressed but I didn't. I was comfortable and didn't have to go anywhere, so I just stayed the way I was. Looking into my husband's gentle blue eyes, I know that I have started to slip back into some bad habits and I don't want to go there again.
Between our second and third sons, I suffered a miscarriage and was devastated. Dressing and taking care of myself suddenly took a backseat to my daily chores and children. It wasn't important or so I told myself. Even though my dear husband never came right out and said that he wished I would look presentable when he got home, he would hint at it.
One day, roughly about three years ago, I began to realize that 1) I was setting a poor example for my children, and 2) I was not honoring the Lord nor my husband with my actions.
I felt frumpy and overweight. It didn't matter what I put on, nothing I owned fit right and I was no longer comfortable in my own skin. This reality made me want to go run and hide under the covering (and comfort) of my bathrobe. Guilt started to eat at me about the way I was treating myself and my family. I wanted my husband to be able to come home to the woman he married, not this sad shadow of someone that use to be her. I certainly wasn't making it easy for him to be married to me.
I have never doubted for one second that my husband was anything other than completely devoted to me and our marriage, but I was sure opening the door for him to find reasons not to be.
Once this realization set in, I knew that I needed to make a change. I started to make sure that I got dressed as soon as I got out of bed. While I didn't always put makeup on, I would at least brush my hair in the morning, brush my teeth, and wash my face. I worked hard at loosing weight and bought some new clothes that fit me a little better. Slowly my confidence began to return and with it a sense of relief.
Before I started to type tonight, I asked the Lord to reveal to me what I needed to learn. As I did, a wave of emotion washed over me as I realized that I have allowed some old habits and feelings about myself to return. I have a need to feel pretty and feminine. It is a need that is given to me as a woman.
The Proverbs 31 woman is well dressed. She wears clothing that are fit for royalty. Her grand appearance is feminine and pleasing to her husband. It shows her ability to care for herself. This seems to be a reoccurring theme through this chapter. Hmm maybe I should take a hint!
Something else to note is the word "clothed". This should serve as a reminder that modesty is beautiful. Amanda at Quiet Workings wrote a great series about this not too long ago. Be sure to go check it out when you are done here.
You may be reading this and never have experienced what I am talking about, and that is a wonderful. However I believe that every woman has suffered from some type of insecurity or self doubt at some point.
If you struggle with this like I do, work on getting up and getting dressed every day. When I say get dressed, I mean company ready dressed, NOT your grubby shorts with paint stains and your "best mom" t-shirt. I would even say go so far as to tap your inner Joan Clever and put on a set of pearls and a dress. Really surprise your spouse by looking your best when he gets home! If you feel silly doing it, make a special dinner so you have an occasion for it. If your not married, you should still be putting your best self forward. You are a bride of Christ and so honor him with the beautiful and unique design He created for you. Find times where you can dress up and look pretty.
I know that my husband loves me no matter what I wear or how much weight I gain. As his wife though, I want to be a pleasing sight for him. I want him to look forward to coming home to me, and I must take care of myself in order for that to happen.
Am I the only one who struggles with this? If you do, would you share your story with me so that I may pray for you?
Did you miss the rest of this series? Get caught up!
Being a Proverbs 31 Woman Vs. 11
Being a Proverbs 31 Woman Vs. 12
Being a Proverbs 31 Woman Vs. 13
Being a Proverbs 31 Woman Vs. 14
Being a Proverbs 31 Woman Vs. 15
Being a Proverbs 31 Woman Vs. 16
Being a Proverbs 31 Woman Vs. 17
Being a Proverbs 31 Woman Review - Vs. 1-17
Being a Proverbs 31 Woman Vs. 12
Being a Proverbs 31 Woman Vs. 13
Being a Proverbs 31 Woman Vs. 14
Being a Proverbs 31 Woman Vs. 15
Being a Proverbs 31 Woman Vs. 16
Being a Proverbs 31 Woman Vs. 17
Being a Proverbs 31 Woman Review - Vs. 1-17
I really needed to read this post. I'm a stay-at-home mom so I tend to get in a rout. Especially since my husband works long.odd hours. I think today I'll put on a pretty sundress and take my Lil Man somewhere nice. It's Monday - but I won't let it get me down! thanks for the reminder and great inspiration!
ReplyDeleteGood for you Stacy! I really need to get some pretty dresses that I can wear day to day. Currently I only own 2 dresses! Isn't that awful!
DeleteHonestly, this is something that is difficult for me on the days I do not go to work. I love staying in my pjs and throwing my hair in a pony tail. But I do know my husband appreciates it when I get ready PLUS I feel so much better about myself and actually accomplish much more that day.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing Lara! I know that I am way more productive if I am dressed instead of in my lounge wear. :) Just not as comfy. ;)
DeleteI love this post! I think the Proverbs 31 woman gets taken out of context a lot. Most people won't even acknowledge that she didn't do most of the work herself but rather had household help. This means that women don't have to do it all by himself, and it also means that this woman probably have some time for leisure. And we are supposed to be beautiful to our husbands. My husband is always very supportive, & I am lucky also to have a good man. But even though my husband does not overly focused on the superficial, I think he'd rather come home to see me looking dressed and well rested than to have the house perfect but I am still wearing my pajamas and haven't discovered what a hair brush is. I normally don't have any problems with getting dressed and doing my makeup and doing my hair no matter what day of the week it is unless I am sick. Sometimes I will do it when I'm sick too haha. But at the same time, I can do that because I understand that not everything has to get done right now. Also, many adherents to the Proverbs 31 woman idea seem to have no clue that women are people with identities. It might be our job to take care of the kids are running errands but that isn't all we are. Until the day comes that our husbands don't spend hours surfing YouTube, weekends at the golf course, or evenings woodworking in the garage they have no right to tell women that they are not entitled to their own passions.
ReplyDeleteThanks! I appreciate you taking the time to leave me this note. I totally agree that we are much more than just a wife and a mother. :)
DeleteI'm in my pajamas as I read this. Convicting. Thanks for the encouragement.
ReplyDeleteYour welcome Starla. Glad to hear you found it encouraging. Now go get changed! ;)
DeleteThis is one of my favorite of your faith journey posts. :) I need to shower every day...but I do like to linger in bed. I think we do respect our husbands when we dress. After all...mine is up at 4:30 to go to work...while I stay home and try to sleep. (He thinks 7 is late to get up.) Getting dressed shows we're doing important stuff at home, too....I guess. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Annette. My husband also gets up with the birds and I often feel guilty about it.
DeleteMy daughter was stillborn last year. It was all I could do to even shower. Let alone fix my hair or change my clothes. I can relate to this post. I needed to read this today.
ReplyDeleteOh Brenda! My heart cries out for you! I am glad that this post was helpful for you, and I will keep you in my prayers. There is nothing easy about loosing a child.
DeleteI am not married but I do suffer from a lot of insecurities and doubts about my image, and who I am. Recently I've been trying my absolute best to get of them and slowly I am however now that it's summer and there's not much to do. I see myself slipping back into old ways. Where I just want to put on sweatpants and a baggy sweater and call it a day. This post is exactly what I need to hear to try to get back on track. Thank you for sharing.
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